Where is the gate keeper who has the key? Is it you? Is it me?
Watching you live your life free while I paced the cage of my mind like a hungry lioness waiting
for the moment to make you feel my pain, my pain. There seemed no forgiveness in me,
knocked from one side to the other, never free. Knocked into the hospital room, hiding behind
sunglasses always afraid self esteem fading. Always the victim never the victor waiting for my
moment to stand on my mountain and wave my flag of freedom.
Always digging in deep for your happiness, always going beyond to see you smile, to deep to get
out from being buried under the heavy weight of guilt, self pity and lack, Forsaking my own
inner peace while the hole got bigger--deeper--- wider. Your words your actions able to pierce a
soul that cries for softness, not the rough scratch to bleed. You see, One already bled for me
more than I can imagine, I am covered in it, my blood is not needed.
The transition of the man I called Daddy brought me closer to the one I know as Savior. Loosed
the chains that bound me for years. No more fighting, no more tears, no more anger. Remove the
black from the picture and enter into the light.
I wondered why I always hated me, Walking around with a Cielee mentality because I felt my
smile was too big, my butt too big my heart so small. Waking up realizing something bigger
made me and then I knew. My mold was unique, my spirit mine. My laughter touches many. My
hands hold my children. I touch my body in a way that is soothing to me. I give hugs like no
other. The greatest gift I ever gave my self was the day I learned to forgive. Gathering feelings
like flowers in the filed. I accept my part in this play of life bowing out to the acts of negativity.
Sure I have my cracks, my chipped paint and my lines may not be straight but I dance to the tune
the Supreme One gave me. It twists me, turns me, pulls me making me, molding me from curve
to crown. I am the queen to never step down to that mire before my feet once knew. He has
forgiven me, I have forgiven me and now….I forgive you.